July 2008 Archives

Look, people, for whatever reason, my blurb on an Iowahawk post is probably the most–viewed post in my return to bloggerdom. For the love of taco sauce, the entire time I lived in Iowa, there were never — never — even the remotest hints of anything even approximating interesting going on. Now the place is paradise.

Well, if you like that sort of thing.

Floods, corn, and illegal, underage strippers, I mean. That’s what Iowa is all about. Underage strippers who also happen to be the sheriff’s niece.

It all began on July 21, 2007, when a 17-year-old niece of Sheriff Steven MacDonald climbed up on stage at Shotgun Geniez in Hamburg and stripped off her clothing. Owner Clarence Judy was charged with violating Iowa's public indecent exposure law.

Judy responded that the law doesn't apply to a "theater, concert hall, art center, museum, or similar establishments" devoted to the arts or theatrical performances.

"Dance has been considered one of the arts, as is sculpture, painting and anything else like that. What Clarence has is a club where people can come and perform," said his lawyer, Michael Murphy.

Murphy noted that the club has a gallery selling collectible posters and other art, and it provides patrons with sketch pads.

I don’t know where to start with this one. Suffice it to say, somebody needs to un–loop that loophole before the tourism industry picks up.

Just watching this today amazes me just how much I’ve changed. It looks like the Democrats bought this guy out lock, stock, and barrel in the 1960s. Back when I was in high school, they warned us about this sort of thing. Now they encourage it.

[Via]

In the only story that really matters, the Green Bay Packers want to end their long, national nightmare:

The Green Bay Press-Gazette reported on its Web site that the team offered Favre "a substantial salary" to stay away. The report cited sources close to Favre.

Who cares if this is a rumor? There’s more chess pieces moving in this game than in a season of LOST. The annoying thing is just how sanctimonious whoever it is in charge of the Packers has always been. They are, and have been for a long time, the worst–run organization in sports.

Can you tell a boy who used to live in Wisconsin, who hated all things 49ers, and saw the plague of Walsh disciples (which has yet to end) writes this site? Bitter, much? You betcha.

Oh no, there’s no Madden curse. Nope.

Speaking of which, Farve only improves teams that aren’t Green Bay.

Photos by Benjamin J. Myers. Pictured, left to right: Kristina Spiegel, Ivy Larsen, Emily Zammitt

It’s the time of the year get to vicariously spy survey the best part of Washington D.C.: the meat market. Yes, the 2008 edition of the “50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill” is ready for your ogling pleasure.

For the umpteenth year in a row I have failed to make the list. I blame all you people who don’t vote for me. It’s your fault.

How am I supposed to engage in inappropriate conduct if I’m not even there?

It’s from the National Enquirer, so don’t expect to hear about it on any cable news channels or network TV. Well, except for maybe Other than FOX News. But that’s just because, ya know, there’s a story there. And a Democrat is involved.

But, you know, there’s the countless hours of Obama coverage. Also, the Republican scandal of Sen. Ted Stevens (R–AK). No time for a verified story about a former candidate for VP of the US.

Did I mention that Sen. Ted Stevens is a Republican? A total scandal.

UPDATE: Aaaaaaaand this is delicious.

Action

Saddam had no ability to make weapons of mass destruction.

Inaction

With every opportunity available, Obama played basketball instead.

Okay, so there’s this post on five totally ridiculous hot dogs, and it settled some stuff in my mind. Strangely, it was not “what am I going to have for dinner?” It decided, for me, that I really need to give veganism a chance.

Now I know what you’re thinking: I’ve gone done lost my mind. What red–blooded American can’t get through the day without at least one serving from all four of the meat groups? (The four meat groups are beef, bacon, ham, and seafood)

I’ll tell you who can get through a day without the fresh taste of animal flesh! Lots of other people who are not me! I don’t know how I’m gonna get through the day without the taste of seared animal flesh on my breakfast cereal.

However, Mr. Aorta is telling me that he foresees the day when he’s gonna have to shut down for construction. That wouldn’t be so bad, except that I kinda need that blood to stay alive. Mr. Aorta has let me know that the threat of a strike isn’t off the table, either. A work stoppage of any sort is just something I can’t have.

So changes must be made. All the stuff that seemed so awesometackular before are now symbols of oppression. I’ve got to stop eating all that yummy animal...flesh...with barbecue sauce...like ribs...and get to eating things like...not–meat. Whatever that is.

Apparently, there’s this plate of vegetables that you’re given before that juicy steak. And you are supposed to eat it. Who knew? I thought it was just more of that fancy stuff women like to look at — like flowers or curtains.

Now that’s all me (and my hardened arteries) can eat. Green, leafy vegetables. Joy.

I’m moving slowly into this new, non–carnivourous lifestyle by keeping some meat around, just in case I go crazy one night and start trying to eat my belts and shoes or something. But here goes to healthy.

Stupid, mortal heart. Maybe I should be giving this vampirism thing more thought.

For a couple of days, I’ve tried to come up with a salient, cogent way to put the tragedy at Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in perspective. A man went into a church and started killing people. There is no justification for the murder of these people (not any murder of people). There are no words that can describe the loss of security, and more importantly the loss of life those people left behind must endure. This is, ironically, one of the purposes of the church, to minister to people.

But as I was grasping for reason in yet another unreasonable time, I knew that there’s a brief window of opportunity to make sense of anything. After that window closes, then the people will fall into their own habits, and cling back to their own beliefs, no matter how bigoted or thoughtless.

So was the case with a writer who would consider himself better than those who he does not agree with. RJ Eskow is a bigot:

Who really killed those Unitarians? Was it the preachers who spread hatred and intolerance? The politicians who court and flatter them instead of condemning their hate speech? The media machine that attacks liberals, calls them "traitors" and suggests you speak to them "with a baseball bat"? The economic system that batters people like Jim Adkisson until they snap, then tells them their real enemies are gays and liberals and secular humanists?

If you ask me, it was all of the above.

You killed them, Pat Robertson. You killed them, Pastor Hagee. You killed them, Ann Coulter. You killed them, Dick Morris and Sean Hannity and the rest of you at Fox News.

Pouring salt in wounds. Adding insult to injury. Lashing out at the very people whom you need to help you. How very, very predictable.

A simple test of logic would prove that quoted passage wrong. Take the number of conservative Christian gun owners, and figure out the number of times a gunman has opened fire in the middle of the congregation. Thousands of opportunities a week, and only one? Perhaps it wasn’t the books on the shelf, but the demons in his head?

Many people have no need for the God of the Bible. They only need the God of Validation. This is the definition of bigotry.

I honestly thought this was something some talented comedians came up with for some sketch comedy show. Basic cable. I had no idea anybody was supposed to take it seriously. It is too good to come from a real political party.

There was a site that called for user–made videos called Obama in 30 Seconds. You were supposed to come up with a video that MoveOn.org would try to get put on TV. That’s the story for where the video came from, and where it is intended to go.

There are some other videos by this same group (which is NOT MoveOn.org) that are just as funny at Catch Hope. But like I said, it was too good to come from a political party. Not nearly life–drainingly droll enough to be used in a political campaign. No, for MoveOn.org types, we needed something somber and depressing.

Wanna see the video that won?

Yeah. Great choice.

Two predictions about the presidential race.

Prediction #1: As soon as Barak Obama announces his running mate, his polling numbers will take a dive.

Prediction #2: As soon as John McCain announces his running mate, his polling numbers will go up.

I am finding more and more material to blog, yet have less time to blog. I may — mind you, I just may — starting to have a life. But the evidence it still circumstantial.

In other news, I am being sent food from Alabama, after Ms. I Have No Idea What To Call Her Any More finally made good on her 2005 pledge to send me banana muffins or something. So if the delivery truck gets here tomorrow and you never hear from me, then you hear the story about a guy in Georgia dying after eating poisoned muffins…well, you know to call the police.

If I post pictures of the muffins, then you’ll know they were awesome. I’m betting on awesome. And reading up on iocane powder.

This will make the second foodstuff from a blogher that I have gleefully consumed.

Don’t make it be the last!

Or something. In 2004 it was something. I forget (hlp plz).

Anyways*, this year it’s ‘gaffe.’ Have you ever heard the word gaffe as much as you have this year? Ever?

It’s losing its meaning.

*I put that in there for all you “I hate it when people start sentences with ‘anyways.‘”

This is what passes for entertainment on FOX News. Michelle Collins and Hooters.

My choices were to watch this or go to sleep. I chose wrong.

Trying to lighten the mood here with a Saturday cartoon.

And by “Saturday cartoon” I mean “free video of adults wearing silly costumes, acting like anthropomorphic font files”. Basically the same thing.

Wide–screen video, complete with cuss–y goodness you blog people love so much.

THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!

So. Models. Can’t wait to hear the invasion plans for this one.

On a lark, I watched R. Kelly’s ‘Trapped In The Closet.’

That was a mistake.

Trust me, stick to everything else in the universe. Once you watch that thing, you can never go back. The messed–up–ness of that video surprises even me.

Gabrielle Anwar is this actress from the television show, Burn Notice. She is also a hottie. And, she is somehow in the middle of a huge debate over the price of oil.

I can’t figure out how she got involved in American politics, but I say we need to get her help. Even if it goes against some of my personal ethics, we need to…do…what it takes. If that requires — ahem — ‘drilling’, then I say go right ahead.

It’s for the team. For America. I’m sure God won’t mind.

From what I can tell, the Democrats are the ones who don’t want to do this. They seem to have other places to look for oil. Not that an actress from the UK has much potential, but why are the Democrats beings such obstructionists? Can’t we do both?

Seriously, folks, I can understand why Nancy Pelosi (a female) wouldn’t want to get some of this, but there’s plenty of (allegedly) heterosexual men in the House, right? I mean, she’s hot, right? Are they just worried their wives will find out?

I bet it’s because she’s English. Can’t appear dependent on foreign interests, and all.

So many questions, precious little answers.

Yeah, the title’s in the right order. They are using gasoline to help sell sex.

Hard times hit the Shady Lady Ranch (a legal brothel in Nevada). Why, I remember the day when people came to a house of prostitution just for the sex. I wonder what Harry Reid’ll have to say about this?

Minimal research found the details:

Spend $300.00 (1 Hr) for services Receive $50.00 Dollar gas card.

Spend $500.00 (2 Hr) for services Receive $100.00 Dollar gas card.

Spend $800.00 (3 Hr) for services Receive $150.00 Dollar gas card.

Offer expires when the Gas cards run out.

Only one special per customer, to receive the discounted price
you must mention this special at the door.

This promotion runs out after July, but it seems to be working out well.

"It's rocking along. We're doing quite well. June and July historically are not big months," said James Davis, who co-owns the ranch with his wife, Bobbi.

The first $1,000 in gas cards were given out within a week, he added.

Ah, American pragmatism. Feel free to come up with your own jokes about petroleum products replacing silicon products.

I swear, I gotta get some sources with their minds not firmly planted in the gutter…

This guy gets more action than anybody I can think of, and why?

Either I would be a terrible homosexual, or I just don’t understand women at all.

Both of those are probably true.

I put something together to help me send you somewhere else. Because I find more than I can possibly write about in a day, I wanted to build something that let me quote somebody else, and let you do the reading (and the thinking) for yourself.

Thus, Quoted is born. Announced, really. Short blurbs I find from wherever on these interwebs, updated in some random interval.

When I started blogging again, I decided to go against pretty much every convention I rallied against the last dozen or so times I stopped and started again. First of all, I was going to go full–bore what I really think. All the time, without filters. If it seems that I‘m obsessing on something, it’s because I’m thinking about that particular thing.

One of the things I complained about for years were the copy–paste–blockquote–pander folks. Now I am one of them. Well, it’s a little more complicated than that, but the output appears the same.

I hope you enjoy Quoted.

SPIEGEL ONLINE

Since I'm turning into John 'One Note' Stansbury, I figure I'd keep churning out the hits. This one's dedicated to those fat cats in Washington who just can't seem to figure out that we're tired of our Polar Bear-Americans are getting the short end of the stick in the current administration.

Ja, wir können!:

Tens of thousands T-shirts handed out by the World Wildlife Fund showed a polar bear pointing his finger out, like Uncle Sam, and saying, "I want you to tackle climate change." The bear is saying in a dialogue bubble, "Yes, we can."

Germans and Europeans have focused strongly on the environment and climate change. Probably the second greatest audience response came when Obama pledged to "act with the same seriousness of purpose as has your nation, and reduce the carbon we send into our atmosphere... This is the moment to stand as one."

I'm so glad our President of Earth™ that can see the greatest challenges of our time, completely ignore them, and pander to anthropomorphised bruins.

Google has officially censored my Barack Obama video. - Cake Secret

You have to click through an age–verification page to see this video on YouTube. The reason being…it’s so effective. There’s nothing in this video that I couldn’t show in my Sunday School class.

Can you say Vimeo?

Etymology:

1398, from Gk. etymologia, from etymon "true sense" (neut. of etymos "true," related to eteos "true") + logos "word."

In classical times, of meanings; later, of histories. Latinized by Cicero as veriloquium.

Until yesterday, I’d never seen this before. Today, after seeing it for the 73rd time, I figured I’d complain about this, too. Please stop doing this, people.

REUTERS/Ronen Zvulun (JERUSALEM) US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN 2008

REUTERS/Eliana Aponte (WEST BANK)

I’m not sayin’ anything…I’m just sayin’.

ADDED: The pictures keep getting better.

This is what happens when you design things by committee. I can’t tell you how much this reminds me why I got out of PR.

When I posted my rant about the blogs yesterday, I didn’t figure I’d be revisiting during the same week, let alone ever. But somebody else wrote a rant on bloggers (with cussing!), and famous people read it, now comes the predictable memeage.

Please, people, just stop. Stop telling us how to blog. Stop telling us how not to blog. And if you don’t heed any of the other advice I give, listen to this: please don’t do the thing that I’m doing right now, which is blogging about bloggers blogging about blogging. It is annoying.

It reminds me of how banal this blogging experience can be. One person comes up with a truly original idea, then 70 other people copy it. I can’t really complain, though, as that’s the way the world works. People steal, get over it.

Carnival of Open Trackbacks

Upon returning to the blogosphere proper, I found that Digg badges had replaced the ubiquitous TrackBack link. It appears the days of the Blog Carnival are over as well. I used both of those (as we all did) back in the early days to their full effect. But to say the world moved on would be an understatement.

Therefore, I use this one particular tag to signify my disgust at some of the dumb stuff us bloggers do. Cat–blogging, memes, and all that stuff we did before MySpace stole our hearts. Then Facebook. Now…whatever else comes along.

(I had to remind myself while writing this rant that if I were to use “Carnival of Open Trackbacks” as the title of this post, I’d never get the trackback spammers to stop hitting the page)

The amount of time to remind me why I never put Michelle ‘One Note’ Malkin back in the old RSS FeedReader of Legend™.

You know that relative of yours, the one you never visit? That one that seems just fine until somebody accidentally brings up the wrong subject. Then it’s hours of ranting and raving about how the universe would be so much better if everything fit into their neat little view. That one.

Yet another reason I’m never getting into the popular kid’s club.

There’s a meme about ‘hating the New York Times.’ Know what? I don’t care.

Not only do I not care about the meme, I don’t care about the publication. And from the stock ticker, nobody else does either. There is one thing I will agree with the Times haters: it is no longer the “newspaper of record.”

That would be the Drudge Report. Welcome to the 21st century.

I will never be considered a shill for McCain, but this is just silly. To be clear, it’s just silly how foolish these professionals sound. I honestly expect somebody to run across the playground and punch Obama in the arm.

Excellent quote from (truly) independent thinker Lou Dobbs.

I guess I never posted the latest video from JibJab. Equal opportunity offenders. Yet, even then, they can barely figure out anything to make fun of with Obama.

Five reasons I’ll never get to the A–list (not that I wanted to go).

1. I didn’t start in 2004. For whatever reason, there are very few people who started blogging in a year other than 2004 that are any all that popular. Back then, anybody with a brain and a political slant could get readers. Now you have to actually be able to write. Plus, there are the social networks, MySpace/Facebook, and other non–porn distractions abound, so it’s tougher to get eyeballs on your site.*

2. I don’t have a book deal. Ever wonder how those “new, fresh voices” get 18 zillion hits in their first week? It’s because of the book they wrote. Or because of the album they recorded. Or because of the movie they starred in/directed/produced/shot on a shoestring budget. Point being, people don’t get famous on the internet without some kind of market pressure.

3. I won’t take a side just to win. I have, of course, but not all the time. To become all internet famous, you have to be polarizingly–polemic. It comes from my personality as a realist, so I tend to describe things as they are, regardless if they help or hurt my cause. In fact, you could tell more about my opinion on something by what I don’t write than what I do.

4. I don’t suck up. I swear, if I ever see one of those Instalanche! things again, I’m gonna get sick. Somebody once said (about scoring a touchdown in football), ‘act like you’ve been there before.’ The meaning being that if you expect to widely read, that sort of thing will happen. While it’s nice to get the big link from Traffic Santa™, I don’t recall ever being thanked for the MacStansburyalance.

5. I don’t do stuff that draws traffic. Like lists. Since putting back on the oppressive mantle of ‘blogger,’ the most heavily trafficked post to this site is the Google–baiting link to IowaHawk. Other than that, I require people to actually read the content, then make their own informed opinion. This anathema to the greater blogosphere, where jabbing sound–bites are the norm.

BONUS! Extra Reason: I don’t cuss. For whatever reason, vulgarity sells. So does naked ladies (see previous link), but I digress. I think it appears unprofessional to use foul language, and shows a lack of class and civility. Then again, that’s the entire point of the blogosphere, isn’t it?

*I started in 2003, too early. Those archives will probably never see the light of day again.

Tautology! Something else I can believe in!

[via]

Several ways to make fun of Barak Obama from Joel Stein:

He's effete. He's well-dressed. He eats arugula -- which he buys at Whole Foods. He mocks those who use guns. He is, as we mentioned, quite thin. He may only be half-black, but he's three-quarters gay.

Sadly this is not satire. It’s a sad day in American political make–fun–of–ing that even the best writers need help making fun of somebody.

Jokes Team Obama released to show just how funny the presumptive Democratic presidential candidate is, via Andy Borowitz:

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

And it only goes downhill from there.

Great quote (and a little wishful thinking) from a reader at Power Line:

Wouldn't it be nice, he said, if there was some enterprise in the Twin Cities area whose business it was to research matters of interest to the public, write up and edit reports on such, and print such things on inexpensive paper that could be sold in newsstands?

It’s bad when a blogger out journalists a journalist. Sadly, this is becoming more and more common. Journalists need some sort of certification, don’t they?

Just when you thought McCain could get less coverage:

You do realize, don’t you, that if a GOP candidate with weak foreign policy was doing the same thing - making a “world tour” with dramatic backdrops - the press would be sneering about how the whole thing is a “stunt” meant to “deflect his inexperience.” I know you know it, but I had to say it, anyway.

Quit telling me the video is loading. And stop trying to keep me from stealing it. When you try to fix something, you always mess it up worse.

I was trying to enjoy the this–week–only Dr.Horrible Sing–Along Blog, but I could never get the frazzling thing to load a video. Know why? Streaming Flash video. That means, I have to connect back to the server to tell it what to send me next, rather than just downloading the whole thing at once.

So, after the buffer fills, I get about 20 seconds of video. Then it stops.

For 1 second.

Then another 20 seconds of video.

Then a second to fill up the buffer.

Then another 10 seconds of video.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I complained about this with the Comedy Central video. Buffer, play. Buffer, play. That is, when it decides to actually buffer.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I could just wait out all the other people trying to download the thing. Older videos don’t get as much play, so you can watch them in a pretty reasonable way. But since this blog–thing is going away after next week, I’ll never get to see the episodes as they were intended.

It almost leads me to believe they chose this ridiculo–choppy video tact to get me to buy ‘em on iTunes. Not that I doubt the intention of Hulu to give me the best video, but their video takes forever to load and then with the buffering again. It makes me not want to watch the stuff you give away for free.

Or I could wait until somebody uploads them to YouTube. YouTube actually works.

Dave makes me feel inadequate again. This time, because of the fat chick:

It's useful to think of our current economic situation as a spirited game of nude Twister, with Fannie Mae as an extremely fat drunk chick. One unanticipated "Left Foot Blue" spin could mean a trip to the emergency room for all of us, not to mention uncomfortable explanations for our various wives. It is critical that Congress makes sure that Fannie Mae gets the additional "do over" spins necessary to keep her from crushing us on the vinyl.

I know what you're saying -- "who invited the fat chick to the Twister party?" Certainly, all of us (with the possible exception of Randy) wish she wasn't here. But it's important to remember that fat chicks are often an important source of party supplies, and we must take the good with the bad. In the same way, Fannie Mae supplies the critical financial weed and beer to keep our national economic party going.

Oh, the sweet allegory, wrapped in satire (and Google–baiting headline).

Still doesn’t fix the I–have–to–update–every–couple–of–weeks problem. Here’s the video highlighting the new features WordPress 2.6:

Neat new features, especially the Gears part. Nothing compelling to make me switch.

I do have a question about the image gallery component WordPress seems to be pushing now. Does anybody else get the feeling they are pushing the image–sharing part really hard? Isn’t a database–driven system the worst thing for large data files?

I realized that the contrived outrages have really ramped up since I left. So much so, I created that dandy category tag for the site. And it seems I’m not the only one who is getting tired of the ‘outrage.’ Marc Ambinder: Enough With The Outrage:

Outrage is often phony; major campaigns contrive their outrage precisely for effect. (When I ask about these contrivances, I am told that they are "part of the game.") But outrage is often phony even if it seems real. Phony outrage is outrage for the sake of feeling outraged; it's a comfortable outrage, an outrage that serves to reinforce feelings of solidarity and get rid of feelings of dissonance. Outrage is a covering emotion, like its close cousin, self-righteousness. We love to be offended. We love to feel affronted.

Everyone is so outraged, outraged, outraged all the time that we're defining outrage down. If our outrage meter hits 10 at every conceivable sleight or remark, then when something really outrageous happens -- something truly morally despicable or cowardly takes place -- we're numb. Outrage moves votes and changes opinion. But if everything's outrageous, then nothing is.

Click the tag below to read more ‘controversies’ (that aren’t really controversial).

Top commodities to hoard. Not surprisingly, oil does not make the list. Also, 4 of the 5 itmes on the list are used to create products that are ‘harmful’ to the environment.

As far as uranium goes, Canada’s got plenty,

iSmoke, Part 2.

Still got nothing else to say.

Tonight I was thinking about my (many, many) relationships with the ladies, and I remembered the time I was talking to one and referred to “my moves.”

People were wondering why I was cracking up.

My moves.

I’m gonna die alone…

Brett Favre asks for his release from Green Bay Packers.

The folks behind Madden 09 are not pleased.

No, not any of that dirty stuff you're thinking about -- I meant downloading videos from the internet. Okay, so that could be what your were thinking about. I meant video clips from Comedy Central. Like this one:

I was all set to make some ribald observations of the crowd's reaction in this clip from Comedy Central...but it has yet to load. At one point Stewart tells the crowd they can laugh at Obama making a gaffe. I would love to point that out. But I can't. I can't get the video to load.

Alright, sometimes it will load, but not on a consistent basis. Part of the the YouTube privacy debacle stems from people illegally posting their stuff on YouTube. But at least I can download the video on YouTube. The 'buffering' indicator is insufferable.

Makes me not want your free video.

This is not a protest.

This is a protest.

Sorry. Not interested.

If the iPhone ever becomes interesting, I’ll write about it.

ADDED: It blends.

You had to know that this was going to be used for evil.

Get more from Ace’s drones.

Mary Katharine Ham had to write Real Heroes of Liberalism, and get me to do an internet search for those commercials leading me to this site where you could find a bunch of the Real Men of Genius commercials to listen to.

There went almost an hour. ‘Preciate it. Here, waste your time, too.

(On a personal note, how anyone can drink that swill is beyond me. American beer is to drinking as soap operas are to porn. Americans do love their unspectacular homogeneity, don’t they?)

(Yes, this is a satire.):

1. Yes, he doesn't share my views on abortion, but so what? After all, aborted babies go to heaven. If they grow up, they might go to hell. Abortion on demand is the best form of evangelism ever invented. So, with Obama we'd continue to get over a million babies into heaven year, and Supreme Court Justices to insure that it goes on for another generation. Obama would push for more and more federal funding for abortions, which means we would be using state money for evangelism! How cool is that?! And I'm sure the ACLU would never call him on it. Yes, I know the Bible talks about "Thou shalt not murder" and caring for "the least of these," but let's not get legalistic and impose our Christian morality on others.

[Via]

I got more McCain happy place humor: now with Viagra™!

The networks hope they can scrape some change together to show the whole Democratic National Convention. Try looking in the seat cushions. And mama’s old purses! Reading that made me figure we’d see a headline like this somewhere:

Obama Accepts Nomination at DNC Convention, Newspapers, Television Hardest Hit

Anybody else think it’s weirdly reasoned to finish off there? It’s like they want this thing to have a totally Billy Graham Crusade kinda vibe to it. Maybe I’m not just seeing things, maybe he is running for Preacher–in–Chief?

Some statistics on my first week back in the blogging business.

Posts this week (Total): 29

Posts this week (Video): 4

Posts this week (Instalink): 1

Posts this week (I would link): 6

Post Tags created this week: 44

People that emailed me thinking I was Lindsey Stomp: 1

Regrets: 7 (and not just about posts)

One of the purposes of returning to full–time(ish) blogging was to engage the public with the ideas that religion is part of our everyday life. Regardless of what specific religion, we all have a varying relationship to the supernatural. I would even go so far as to say that some people value their supremacy over supernatural things to be what they would call their religion.

I won’t argue with that. That’s the central idea of Atheism, the belief that humans are not subject to some set of supernatural laws. It is the belief that myths are the natural outcome of fear and ignorance. Atheism can be convincing.

It would make sense then, that Atheism wouldn’t be popular in the armed forces, One of the ways the soldier keeps himself in good morale is through the use of the supernatural. The idea that someone or something is going to keep them safe, even though logic would say otherwise. Another manifestation of hope — whether it be real or imagined — is always encouraged.

After reading a story today about a Soldier who was decrying an ‘unconstitutional’ treatment by the US Army, I could see his argument. That would be, of course, if there was at least a token effort to research the most salacious claim in the article:

His sudden lack of faith, he said, cost him his military career and put his life at risk. Hall said his life was threatened by other troops and the military assigned a full-time bodyguard to protect him out of fear for his safety.

Excuse me, but WHAT?

The part about the bodyguard makes this entire story read differently. Of course, the reporter wouldn’t know (or care) that Army units only do that as a last resort. They just don’t have enough people around to babysit all day.

From my (admittedly limited) experience, I know there are only thee times you put a bodyguard on somebody:

1. They are a threat to other people (think sociopath)

2. They are a target of revenge

3. They are wholly incapable of performing their job (thus need protecting)

For the sake of argument, I’ll give him that he is the target of revenge. Okay, so where are the investigations? If the Haditha Marines taught us anything, it’s that the military will eat it’s own young long before any of us find out about it. Is there any more to this story than a claim of ‘intolerance’?

Probably not. But that’s more of an experienced–based gut feeling than from the (horribly biased, incomplete) known facts of the case. My opinion is that this is just a trouble–maker whose story got to the right desk, and now it’s part of the leverage in some political statement, and not about (and never was about) this kid.

"Our Pentagon, our Pentacostalgon, is refusing to realize that when you put the uniform on, there's only one religious faith: patriotism," Don King Weinstein said.

Um, yeah. What I thought.

John McCain and his 'unremarkable' buttocks:

From his oncologist, Dr. Suzanne Connolly of the Mayo Clinic:  "Buttocks unremarkable except for some very light tan freckling."

Butt humor — I hope their servers can handle it.

Wait…

I hope their servers can take the beating.

No…

I hope this doesn’t come back to bite McCain in the…

There’s just no way to post this without any innuendo.

Innuendo. Aw, geez…

After watching some A–list flip–floppery from the Obama camp last week, now we get this. I am far beyond thinking these candidates are making moves to reach the other side. I think their campaigns are run by 15–year–old cheerleaders.

When the debates begin, I’ll be scanning the audience for a couple of teenage girls holding talking points and wearing “Team McCain” and “Team Obama” shirts.

ADDED: For no conceivable reason, the MSNBC player is messed up. I added scrollbars so you can attempt to view the video. THANKS MSNBC!

I swear, every time I try and make cheerleader jokes…

Heh.

I went by Wal–Mart for their 3¢ discount on fuel from MurphyUSA. One thing I learned in my Junior Miser training was that if you ever see the truck unloading fuel, you’re gonna be filling your car with more vapor that liquid. When I went to the pump, the supply truck was dumping fuel, so I decided to try something else for a while.

I’ve seen advertisements for the $2.99 Double Cheeseburger Extra Value Meal™ all over [my admittedly not–wildly wealthy or urbane] town. Giving in to market pressures, I decided to clog my arteries even further with the fresh taste of capitalism. And lousy fries. I don’t like McDonalds’ fries. Fodder for another post, I digress.

Standing at the counter, I ask for, “one of them gallon–of–gas meals.”

“Oh, I wish!” replied my teen–aged counter agent.

Then we reminisced of the days back when gasoline was under $3 a gallon.

Ugh.

Who's the fella that got us into this whole 'income tax' mess? Taft! This should give them Porkbusters some much-needed angst leading into the election season.

Yeah, yeah, I know that Taft only wanted to designate an excise on corporations whose stockholders had limited liability privileges, not to tax individual incomes. But that's what happens in government -- a little thing becomes a huge thing.

Then they make videos parodying 70s blacksploitation films. Happens every time.

Click through to see the video (which has some NSFK* words and dancing).

*NSFK: Not Safe For Kindergarden

That picture should not be that ironic:

Another finding almost defies explanation: 21 percent of self-identified atheists said they believe in God or a universal spirit, with 8 percent “absolutely certain” of it.

This is what happens when you take away absolutes. Not even anti–deists can get their flock to obey.

[Via]

Barak Obama, in a lengthy interview with Military Times:

“I do not presume that from the day I am sworn in, every single service man or woman suddenly says, ‘This guy knows what he is doing...’”

That’s actually the problem for Obama. Those people do think he knows what he’s doing and it sure ain’t in their best interests.

Me too, John. Me too.

On a completely serious note, we all know he was just being facetious (okay, some of us know). But to even say that sort of thing makes me feel a little more confident that he knows the cameras are always rolling. The Army refers to that presence of mind as ‘situation awareness’ — something I’m seeing more and more from McCain.

Oddly enough, this clip comes from a townhall meeting on December 29th, when his campaign looked completely dead. I wonder if George Romero directed it?

All my hopes and dreams of being able to make you people happy and keep this place relatively civil went out the window this evening. Yes, my last, vain hopes of a workable anonymous–ish kind of comment moderation went out the aforementioned window, so I must come to this conclusion: every comment gets through.

Yes, yes, I know this seems like a kind of “comment amnesty,” but it really isn’t. See, only the ones that deserve to get through will. I’ve enabled security to keep only the kinds of comments we want here on here. Those comments that have no place in the comment section will be kept out. We need to be inclusive, not building up walls.

Like, concrete walls. With fences on top of them. And police constantly vigilant, ready to interdict comments trying to sneak or break into the comments section. And moats around both sides of the wall, with crocodiles in the water, and killer robots with chainsaws for hands roaming in random, computer–y kinds of paths.

Ahem.

So, basically I’m going to see if TypePad AntiSpam will work.