Archive for July, 2008

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Strippers, Iowa, and mad blog hits

economics / judiciary

Look, people, for whatever reason, my blurb on an Iowahawk post is probably the most–viewed post in my return to bloggerdom. For the love of taco sauce, the entire time I lived in Iowa, there were never — never — even the remotest hints of anything even approximating interesting going on. Now the place is paradise.
Well, if you like that sort of thing.
Floods, corn, and illegal, underage strippers, I mean. That’s what Iowa is all about. Underage strippers who also happen to be the sheriff’s niece.

It all began on July 21, 2007, when a 17-year-old niece of Sheriff Steven MacDonald climbed up on stage at Shotgun Geniez in Hamburg and stripped off her clothing. Owner Clarence Judy was charged with violating Iowa’s public indecent exposure law.
Judy responded that the law doesn’t apply to a “theater, concert hall, art center, museum, or similar establishments” devoted to the arts or theatrical performances.
“Dance has been considered one of the arts, as is sculpture, painting and anything else like that. What Clarence has is a club where people can come and perform,” said his lawyer, Michael Murphy.
Murphy noted that the club has a gallery selling collectible posters and other art, and it provides patrons with sketch pads.

I don’t know where to start with this one. Suffice it to say, somebody needs to un–loop that loophole before the tourism industry picks up.

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I learned this stuff in high school

economics / education / politics / religion / security

Just watching this today amazes me just how much I’ve changed. It looks like the Democrats bought this guy out lock, stock, and barrel in the 1960s. Back when I was in high school, they warned us about this sort of thing. Now they encourage it.

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Packers offer Favre money to stay away

economics / environment

In the only story that really matters, the Green Bay Packers want to end their long, national nightmare:

The Green Bay Press-Gazette reported on its Web site that the team offered Favre “a substantial salary” to stay away. The report cited sources close to Favre.

Who cares if this is a rumor? There’s more chess pieces moving in this game than in a season of LOST. The annoying thing is just how sanctimonious whoever it is in charge of the Packers has always been. They are, and have been for a long time, the worst–run organization in sports.
Can you tell a boy who used to live in Wisconsin, who hated all things 49ers, and saw the plague of Walsh disciples (which has yet to end) writes this site? Bitter, much? You betcha.
Oh no, there’s no Madden curse. Nope.
Speaking of which, Farve only improves teams that aren’t Green Bay.

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50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill 2008


Photos by Benjamin J. Myers. Pictured, left to right: Kristina Spiegel, Ivy Larsen, Emily Zammitt

It’s the time of the year get to vicariously spy survey the best part of Washington D.C.: the meat market. Yes, the 2008 edition of the “50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill” is ready for your ogling pleasure.

For the umpteenth year in a row I have failed to make the list. I blame all you people who don’t vote for me. It’s your fault.

How am I supposed to engage in inappropriate conduct if I’m not even there?


John Edwards May Have a Mistress


It’s from the National Enquirer, so don’t expect to hear about it on any cable news channels or network TV. Well, except for maybe Other than FOX News. But that’s just because, ya know, there’s a story there. And a Democrat is involved.
But, you know, there’s the countless hours of Obama coverage. Also, the Republican scandal of Sen. Ted Stevens (R–AK). No time for a verified story about a former candidate for VP of the US.
Did I mention that Sen. Ted Stevens is a Republican? A total scandal.
UPDATE: Aaaaaaaand this is delicious.


The Difference (Liar Edition)

politics / security


Saddam had no ability to make weapons of mass destruction.


With every opportunity available, Obama played basketball instead.

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Okay, so there’s this post on five totally ridiculous hot dogs, and it settled some stuff in my mind. Strangely, it was not “what am I going to have for dinner?” It decided, for me, that I really need to give veganism a chance.
Now I know what you’re thinking: I’ve gone done lost my mind. What red–blooded American can’t get through the day without at least one serving from all four of the meat groups? (The four meat groups are beef, bacon, ham, and seafood)
I’ll tell you who can get through a day without the fresh taste of animal flesh! Lots of other people who are not me! I don’t know how I’m gonna get through the day without the taste of seared animal flesh on my breakfast cereal.
However, Mr. Aorta is telling me that he foresees the day when he’s gonna have to shut down for construction. That wouldn’t be so bad, except that I kinda need that blood to stay alive. Mr. Aorta has let me know that the threat of a strike isn’t off the table, either. A work stoppage of any sort is just something I can’t have.
So changes must be made. All the stuff that seemed so awesometackular before are now symbols of oppression. I’ve got to stop eating all that yummy animal…flesh…with barbecue sauce…like ribs…and get to eating things like…not–meat. Whatever that is.
Apparently, there’s this plate of vegetables that you’re given before that juicy steak. And you are supposed to eat it. Who knew? I thought it was just more of that fancy stuff women like to look at — like flowers or curtains.
Now that’s all me (and my hardened arteries) can eat. Green, leafy vegetables. Joy.
I’m moving slowly into this new, non–carnivourous lifestyle by keeping some meat around, just in case I go crazy one night and start trying to eat my belts and shoes or something. But here goes to healthy.
Stupid, mortal heart. Maybe I should be giving this vampirism thing more thought.

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The definition of bigotry

economics / politics / religion / security

For a couple of days, I’ve tried to come up with a salient, cogent way to put the tragedy at Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in perspective. A man went into a church and started killing people. There is no justification for the murder of these people (not any murder of people). There are no words that can describe the loss of security, and more importantly the loss of life those people left behind must endure. This is, ironically, one of the purposes of the church, to minister to people.
But as I was grasping for reason in yet another unreasonable time, I knew that there’s a brief window of opportunity to make sense of anything. After that window closes, then the people will fall into their own habits, and cling back to their own beliefs, no matter how bigoted or thoughtless.
So was the case with a writer who would consider himself better than those who he does not agree with. RJ Eskow is a bigot:

Who really killed those Unitarians? Was it the preachers who spread hatred and intolerance? The politicians who court and flatter them instead of condemning their hate speech? The media machine that attacks liberals, calls them “traitors” and suggests you speak to them “with a baseball bat”? The economic system that batters people like Jim Adkisson until they snap, then tells them their real enemies are gays and liberals and secular humanists?
If you ask me, it was all of the above.
You killed them, Pat Robertson. You killed them, Pastor Hagee. You killed them, Ann Coulter. You killed them, Dick Morris and Sean Hannity and the rest of you at Fox News.

Pouring salt in wounds. Adding insult to injury. Lashing out at the very people whom you need to help you. How very, very predictable.
A simple test of logic would prove that quoted passage wrong. Take the number of conservative Christian gun owners, and figure out the number of times a gunman has opened fire in the middle of the congregation. Thousands of opportunities a week, and only one? Perhaps it wasn’t the books on the shelf, but the demons in his head?
Many people have no need for the God of the Bible. They only need the God of Validation. This is the definition of bigotry.

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About that ‘Hope’ video


I honestly thought this was something some talented comedians came up with for some sketch comedy show. Basic cable. I had no idea anybody was supposed to take it seriously. It is too good to come from a real political party.
There was a site that called for user–made videos called Obama in 30 Seconds. You were supposed to come up with a video that would try to get put on TV. That’s the story for where the video came from, and where it is intended to go.
There are some other videos by this same group (which is NOT that are just as funny at Catch Hope. But like I said, it was too good to come from a political party. Not nearly life–drainingly droll enough to be used in a political campaign. No, for types, we needed something somber and depressing.
Wanna see the video that won?

Yeah. Great choice.


Presidential Prediction


Two predictions about the presidential race.
Prediction #1: As soon as Barak Obama announces his running mate, his polling numbers will take a dive.
Prediction #2: As soon as John McCain announces his running mate, his polling numbers will go up.


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