[MacStansbury]

Not back, but not dead ferrets

Mac — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 03:00:59 +0000

Nothing to see here, folks. I just can’t let that stupid ferret post be the last thing I ever wrote. Feel free to continue ignoring this blog (like you always have) as usual.

Except for you spammers, of course! I so love you guys! Never give up, never surrender!

fauxtrage, meta

I blame YouTube (Dead Ferret Edition)

Mac — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 20:29:44 +0000

Actually, what I should say is I blame PBS and these idiots.

funny, video, youtube

I blame YouTube (Country Hip-Hop Edition)

Mac — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 01:13:57 +0000

Well, this here be my life. I hate my life.

I hate YouTube.

[via]

funny, music, video, youtube

Ponying the post office

Mac — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:45:17 +0000

This would be funny if it wasn’t so serious.

“U.P.S. and FedEx are doing just fine. It’s the post office that’s always having problems.”

This, coming from the greatest orator of out time. He’s trying to show how private insurance companies are doing such a terrible job by showing how terrible every government industry does in comparison to government–run services.

You know what would be awesome? If FexEx got to deliver this package I’ve been waiting on for five days. Oh wait, they are. They just have to give it back to the USPS so that they can deliver it. FedEx makes a ton of money by delivering things for the US government because of how inefficient the government runs the post office.

We are so in for it with this thing.

barak obama, freedom, healthcare, socialism, video, youtube

I ruin worlds (and something about WordPress)

Mac — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 01:00:00 +0000

If you can read this, then you have the ability to read. Thank a teacher or something.

And if you can read this and you are using a web browser, then thank the browser–maker people and the folks that make WordPress. Because that’s what you’re looking at. WordPress.

Unless I’ve changed it to something else, and you are reading this in the future. If you are in the future, what’s it like? We got flying cars yet? Seriously, I wants me a flying car, and I wants it right now.

Or…a robot servant. One that won’t backtalk.

Makes me sandwiches.

I want a sandwich.

Anyways, the site now runs on WordPress. Continue the rest of your lives as usual.

macstansbury, meta, wordpress

How to fix a computer

Mac — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 23:30:18 +0000

Ice T shows you how to fix common problems with your Mac. Today’s lesson involves a slight display problem. Slight content warning for language.

Also, this may void your warranty.

apple, geekery, video

Rethugican Protesters

Mac — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 18:54:03 +0000

Here’s how to handle your critics, from the master of all things evil, George W. Bush:

Now, with the greatest president and administration in the history of mankind, we’re now told to report anything fishy. About a policy decision. Sad.

And weak.
Just as soon as people start getting a little snipy, the government of the United States has to start getting lying about the people with whom they disagree. I’ve never seen so much blatant misrepresentation about these ‘angry mobs’. If we keep going down this road, even satire will sound normal.

censorship, freedom, george bush, healthcare, media, socialism

Less talk, more obeying

Mac — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 18:19:32 +0000

Wow. Just wow.

“But I don’t want the folks who created the mess to do a lot of talking. I want them to get out of the way so we can clean up the mess. I don’t mind cleaning up after them, but don’t do a lot of talking.”

Wow.

barak obama, censorship, freedom, healthcare, socialism, video, youtube

So, that bad idea I was going on about

Mac — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 18:15:29 +0000

Just thought I’d let you know, it’s back on like Donkey Kong! Yep, I’m back to going back to going back to the drawing board. Again. This time for reals — I’m being totally cereal, you guys.

Plus, I’ll have a nifty GPL–ed WordPress theme that looks just like this site! So you too can steal my theme and fill it full of crap I’d never use. Like TrackBacks, or lots of ads, or pictures of cats, or…comments.

Point being, soon I’ll be transitioning this site back to WordPress (part 5).

Good times, good times.

macstansbury, movable type, wordpress

Oxt Weekend

Mac — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 18:05:33 +0000

Not a bad idea, changing the next next weekend to “oxt weekend”.

Some examples:

You going somewhere this weekend? Or was it oxt weekend?

I’m working next weekend. And oxt weekend. I swear, I’m going to burn this whole place down some day.

How about oxt weekend? How about oxt weekend? You say that every week! Just admit you’d rather play WoW than go out with me. Admit it. Admit it!

And my social scene takes the examples down with them. Regardless, this is a nifty neologism that I can get behind.

geekery, words

Twitter Job Description by Date Joined

Mac — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 16:17:03 +0000

Somebody went and created a chart describing how connected you are to when you signed up for Twitter. I joined Twitter waaaaay back in early 2007, so I guess I’m more awesome than everybody else. Click the image to actually read the thing.

Proof positive that I’m a futurist. Or, at least, an innovator. Well, I’m something, the Internet told me so!

carnival of open trackbacks, charts, geekery, pictures, twitter

I have forgotten more about quitting blogging than you will ever know

Mac — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:11:42 +0000

So. August. Hi, new month!

Just thought I’d let you know that I am not quitting (for once).

Continue your month normally.

In other, non–quitting–blogging MacStansbury news, everything on my computer is old. Therefore, I need new computer stuff. Must make a note to myself to remind myself become incredibly wealthy.

Or steal.

One of those two.

blogging, macstansbury, personal

Obama Birth Documents: Forged

Mac — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 17:00:42 +0000

I opened Microsoft Word, set the font to Microsoft’s Times New Roman, then changed it to Times, then changed it back, then typed the rest of the document purportedly from the personal records of the late surgeon Jerry B. Killian.

And my Microsoft Word version, typed in 2009, is an exact match for the documents trumpeted by Robb Allen as “authentic.”

A screenshot of the “original” document as found at Sharp as a Marble:

A screenshot of my Microsoft Word document:

The spacing is not just similar—it is identical in every respect. Notice that the date lines up perfectly (well, come on, it’s a little crooked, give me a break), all the line breaks are in the same places, all letters line up with the same letters above and below, and the kerning is exactly the same. And I did not change a single thing from Word’s defaults; margins, type size, tab stops, etc. are all using the default settings. The one difference (the red squiggly lines under the misspelled words) is probably due to a slight difference between the Mac and PC versions of the Times New Roman font, or it could be an artifact of whatever process was used to artificially “age” the document (or could be because I forgot to turn off spell–checking).

There is absolutely no way that this document was typed on any machine that was available in 19–whenever–Obama–was–born.

UPDATE: You know what would really make this post sing? Animation!

UPDATE: Not singy enough. Still needs something. Hmm.

I know!

SIRENS!!!

Take that mainstream media!

barak obama, fauxtography, fauxtrage, slow news day

You might as well stop the Internet now

Mac — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:00:03 +0000

I’m being completely serious about this.

After watching this video, is there anything left to see?

Seriously, it’ll stop the way you think about everything.

Click this link

music, video

Anecdotal Muzak Story

Mac — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:02:41 +0000

Whilst working, early this morning, a local radio station played in the background. Normally a good mix of happy songs, there were some terrible, terrible songs in the rotation for this morning. Stupid, sappy, late–70s love songs. It was horrifying, and it didn’t enhance my effort at all.

As I ate lunch, yet another radio station played in the background. The first song that came on was John Denver’s ‘Thank God I’m a Country Boy,’ so I figured things were not going to get any better. I was wrong.

After I got my burger, I heard the characteristic open sounds of one of the greatest songs in the history of mankind: Shaft!

Yes, I love that song…maybe a little too much. But if loving Shaft is wrong, I don’t want to be right! Or live in the 21st century, for that matter.

Then some hippies (I swear, none of them older than 21, none of them wasting more than $5 on shaving gear in their lives) walked in. After the group sat down, the waitress asked them what they wanted to drink, left, and returned, she asked them if they “knew what they wanted?”

“…besides a haircut?” I added.

Then I spent the next three minutes trying to act like I was trying to get something out of my beard as to cover up my hysterical non–laughing.

Hippies? Shaft? The 70s?

It was funny to me, anyways.

More sounds of shaftness

Feature film version here
Parody version about taxes (yes, taxes) here

funny, music, personal

Sidekick. Dirt. Rednecks.

Mac — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:46:13 +0000

Over the course of many years, I’ve had the pleasure of posting many videos on this, and other blogs. But today, I find the rare pleasure of linking to one that must be viewed in it’s own environs, as there is nothing I could — or would — want to add to this great sociological experiment.

Involving rednecks.

And beer.

And a car.

And a ramp.

You can probably figure out what happens next.

“Guy jumps his Sidekick off some home made dirt ramp.”

alcohol, funny, video

Just…don’t ask

Mac — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 05:47:13 +0000

I don’t know what’s going on here either, folks. There appears to be a panda, Shaquille O’Neal, and…well, that’s about it. I figured I’d make me my own personal Demotivator® and see how that worked out.

Click through to see the image at full Shaq–panda–size.

celebrities, pictures

The best blonde joke ever

Mac — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 00:45:02 +0000

There are joke, bad jokes, good jokes. Then there’s this one.

This is the greatest blonde joke in the history of man.

funny, meta, slow news day

I blame YouTube (MC Vader Edition)

Mac — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 00:26:14 +0000

Is there anything worse than when two of the things you remember from childhood colliding in one sad, sorry YouTube video?

No.

No there isn’t.

I blame YouTube. And George Lucas. And MC Hammer.

music, star wars, video, youtube

Text Ascii Art Generator

Mac — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 18:56:25 +0000

It’s a lot more fun than it sounds, actually.

               __
.-----..-----.|  |_
|  _  ||  -__||   _|
|___  ||_____||____|
|_____|
 __
|  |--..--.--..-----..-----.
|     ||  |  ||  _  ||  -__|
|__|__||___  ||   __||_____|
       |_____||__|
               __ __ __
.--.--..---.-.|  |  |  |
|  |  ||  _  | |_|  |  |
|___  ||___._|   |__|__|
|_____|

Tremendous waste of time found here.

funny, geekery, slow news day, words

I blame YouTube (Revival Edition)

Mac — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 17:10:30 +0000

I’m not really sure if I want to party hard, but it sure beats doing something productive with my free time.

I may or may not post anything ever again here.

funny, music, video, youtube

The Can

Mac — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 00:27:13 +0000

This is why I don’t like Red Bull.

This, and Red Bull is yucky.

Click through to see it…

video, vimeo

The definition of irony

Mac — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:30:28 +0000

It’s just sad when old men try to hold on to their relevance. Case in point, this part of an interview where John Cleese describes Sarah Palin as a parrot. You know, where somebody just reads lines they’re given, acting them out…sort of like…actors?

In addition to not noticing he was just describing himself, he bolsters his argument by telling us what Europeans would do. If she were President. If she were elected as the President of the United States by an opinion poll of Europeans.

His argument (‘this isn’t an argument’ puns aside) is like letting the foxes decide who guards the henhouse. Who cares what some actor from a hit show from 40 years ago thinks about some other country’s politics. Unless he’s a naturalized US citizen, in which case he’s a traitor to his homeland.

This particular video is burning up Digg, so you know it’s crap.

celebrities, polls, sarah palin, video

C’mon, Move to Canada!

Mac — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 15:44:06 +0000

Another benefit: you only need summer clothes for like, what? Two weeks?

[via small dead animals]

funny, schadenfreude, slow news day, video

Lay the smack down, Barak!

Mac — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 04:35:47 +0000

This could be the leader of the free world.

Yeah.

Pie.

This is why I’ve been doing Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson catch–phrases after every Barak Obama sound–bite over the last year. He’s awesome on the mic, and terrible in the ring. And he likes pie.

If you smell…what Barak…is cookin‘…[cue theme music, cut to commercial]

barak obama, funny, video

More on that bad idea

Mac — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:07:40 +0000

Things coming along, slowly. Stunningly, no fires.

Yet.

Nothing’s ready to show off quite yet, but it’s looking like I’ll have something done by the end of the year. I’m just gonna be non–specific about which year.

Past hints: Teaser image

flickr, macstansbury, meta, pictures

Pandering to the Grand Old, ,Old Party

Mac — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 14:42:10 +0000

Anybody want to venture a guess why we’ve never seen pictures like this one or this one or even this one when they were covering Al Gore or Dick Cheney?

I mean, besides wanting to keep folks from ripping their own eyes out with forks.

For more vicarious leg–gawking, use this link to Gov. Sarah Palin News Photos.

pictures, sarah palin, yahoo!

I blame YouTube (A-ha Edition)

Mac — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 16:06:09 +0000

This would mark the first (and only) time I ever watched this video. Ground–breaking at the time, it was still an A-ha song. Oh, the hair of my youth…

music, video, youtube

So, I had this idea about WordPress…

Mac — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:59:19 +0000

Back in 2006, I had this nifty idea to jettison comments. First of all, they added little to the immediate subject. Also, I didn’t like the compromises I had to choose from with either anonymity or registration. The more popular my site became, the harder it was to police…unless there was nothing to police.

That led to be put together my site sans commentary. It seemed like it made sense at the time, so I went with it. First I was using TextPattern (and I still keep that thing around, somewhere — I love it). But I went with WordPress. And I turned the comment off. Permanently.

I guess my decision was based on a combination of hype and contempt. WordPress was just getting exciting, with the new version 2.0 starting to hit its stride. Messing with templates was just enough to keep me interested, and to make a site that worked just how I wanted. Not having to style comments, or figure out how to con people into registering was refreshing.

It wasn’t long, however, before I started to find the problems with the platform. While the system works well as a one–blog producer, it really isn’t that complete as a full–site solution. Plus, to get it to do anything, you needed a plugin.

While I found ways to work around the limitations, I kept on running into the same problem over and over again: why am I making the server do all that work on a page that almost never changes? That was the whole point of moving to Movable Type — to cut down on server load for a resource–light site.

It’s funny now seeing the other blogs that are buying into my 2006 philosophy. I got over that earlier this year, when I decided to be more of who I really am. That, and to interact with who I know you are (or don’t know, I guess). Now I’m all about the comments and the peoples. And I think I’m ready for my soapbox…

Movable Type soapbox

As a sidenote, this is just me telling anyone that’s gearing up for my comments–less WordPress experience: have you thought of just writing the HTML yourself? I mean, it’d make your server happy, plus you’d learn a new skill!

But for those of you who don’t want to cook it yourself, there’s always Movable Type. It will make the pages work exactly the same while allowing just as many comments. Plus, you can stick it to the man (if you’re really all that against–the–man–y).

As another added benefit, you’ll get the pleasure of answering, “well, have you even tried WordPress?” about 50 times a week. That’s always a reassuring way to let you know that people know what they’re talking about.

macstansbury, meta, movable type, wordpress

I feel safer now

Mac — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:38:27 +0000

It’s amazing we still all have any money at all.

My idea for First National of Sanka is looking better every day.

[via]

funny, satire, video