Archive for January, 2004

Friday Spoilers: You Got Served!

Spoiler Alert!
This is just to warn you. I will be giving out advanced notice of something that happens in a movie that you won’t know unless I tell you, or you see the movie.

In honor of virus week (which seems to happen a lot with Microsoft), I provide not one single link, but I still will ramble in Dennis Miller-like name-dropping. That, and I’m incredibly lazy.

This week, it’s all about a motion picture I like to call "You Got Served."

After viewing the movie in all its glory, I am reminded of how I wanted to get into Law School when I was growing up. I wanted to be like them people on L.A. Law. Or at least Night Court. Heh heh, Bull Shannon…but I digress.

This is a heart-warming story about those same people strugling to make it in this world, while gaining a fancy college degree that lets them chase around ambulances and Michael Jackson. It is the modern epic of young idealists trying to change the world one case at a time.

Yes I know it’s spelled ‘struggling.’ It was for dramatic effect. I’ll have you know, that at the same time I thought about the law, I was also thinking about how my English professor said that the only time a person uses ‘it’s’ is when "it is" something. Stop being so litigious. Let’s get back on track.

So, here’s the spoiler:

You…um…got…er, uh…served.

Can you believe I’m pulling in 15 Gs a month writing this bunk? And by Gs, I mean donuts. Maybe not 15, either. More like two. And I have to pay for them. Should stuck to Lawyering. This is all Grisam’s fault!

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Friday Spoilers: Win a Date With Tad Hamilton!

Spoiler Alert!
This is just to warn you. I will be giving out advanced notice of something that happens in a movie that you won’t know unless I tell you, or you see the movie. I don’t want to ruin it for you.

This week, Win A Date With Tad Hamilton. Can you feel the electricity?

But this movie is different, with a small-town girl winning a date with a hot, man celebrity through a ridiculously implausible contest. When the date goes better than expected (who would’ve thunk), a love triangle forms between the Rosalee, Ted, and the girl’s best friend, PETE.

I mean, who would want some wimpy guy named Pete? Especially when you can get a flamboyantly hunky man, instead of some loser lump of boyness? Huh? How could you Britney? Huh? Huh? Don’t you believe in our love?

Wait, sorry, I’m getting off topic.

So, here’s the spoiler:

Kate Bosworth wins a date with Tad Hamilton.

Sure, not my best work, but crap, what did you think was going to happen? Space aliens come down and convince us that you can have a career and children?

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Late BSS

Sorry I’ve been so late with this this week, but I’ve been involved in actual work, so I haven’t been getting this out.

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m just providing links to this stuff. It ain’t like anybody actually hits this site.

1. In a developing story the likes of the Kennedy assasination, this guy tries to clear up the rumours over the Vegas nuptuals. Hey, and it’s got video!

2. Britney may be in a new Tim Allen movie. That reminds me of a funny joke:

Q: What is Mrs. Santa Claus’ name?

A: Mary Christmas

3. Internet kingpin still miffed over Britney not getting married and annulled with him. Can’t some people get over their grudge?

Friday Spoilers: Torque

Spoiler Alert!
This is just to warn you. I will be giving out advanced notice of something that happens in a movie that you won’t know unless I tell you, or you see the movie. I don’t want to ruin it for you.

Today it’s all about that biker movie, Torque. It’s a biker movie. With bikers. And bikes.

So, here’s the spoiler:

The main character gets into a high-speed chase to save his love-interest’s life and bring a gang/group of biker/fugitives that are in some sort of legal trouble, all the while trying to get out of his/her own legal troubles as the main character is also in hot water with the police/feds/ATF/RIAA.

Um…and there will also be at least three women going, “Where’s Vin Diesel?”

Have a great weekend, everybody!

BSS 3

Good grief. This is starting to get ridiculous. Not only the quickie marriage, but all the reaction-I just can’t keep up with it all.

Therefore, I’m just providing links to this stuff.

1. Lance Bass (yes, that Lance Bass) advises Britney ‘bout marriage and other grown-up stuff.

2. Britney’s hometown not all that happy about the quickie.

3. Internet kingpin miffed over Britney not getting married and annulled with him.

Friday Spoilers: Chasing Liberty

Spoiler Alert!
This is just to warn you. I will be giving out advanced notice of something that happens in a movie that you won’t know unless I tell you or you see the movie. I don’t want to ruin it for you.

My check of the new movies in iCal this week reveals that there is an old film that they must be re-releasing to theaters that I saw in college called “Chasing Liberty.” It’s about this one cartoonist guy (Ben Affleck) that’s trying to get this girl (Joey Lauren Adams) to like him. But the cartoonist’s partner (Jason Lee) wants to split them up cause he’s gay or something.

So, here’s the spoiler:

The cartoonists use Macintoshes.

I never was into this movie because roommate was this theater major, and he told me that this was the greatest film of all time…what are you screaming about?

I know I glossed over the whole sexual issue, it didn’t seem to be that important to the movie. What? What did that have to do with all the chasing. Clearly unimportant.

And before you mention it, I know it was part of that trilogy thing that I never understood.

Chasing who? Amy? Who is Amy? “Chasing Amy?” What a dumb title. Are you sure?
So what is Chasing Liberty about? What do you mean, you don’t know? I don’t know either! I’m just trying to make several million dollars running an internet web site.

Who ever heard of Chasing Liberty?

Have a great weekend, everybody!

More Continuing on the Pledge

I’m screwing around on the internet, and I run into this story about my beloved. It seems she is on a list that is hostile to gun-ownership rights, sponsored by the NRA. Sure, it’s all a bunch of political stuff that puts me to…sleep…

(*pokes with a stick*) HUh?! waH?

Oh right…I am just keeping you informed of all the things Britney. I need a life.

Continuing on the Pledge

Way back in 2003, as I cooked in the Iraqi desert, I made the decision that I would cover every Britney Spears news event, no matter how trivial. I wanted something to look forward to. I needed a reason to look forward to my life back in my homeland.

Soldiers have carried the tradition of taking tokens of their loves with them on their long journeys since the dawn of history. They carry scarves from their girlfriends, only to have them burn in the napalm. The napalm-of love.

Ok. So it’s pathetic, I know. But it did kill the time while we baked in the 125º sun. And I got this to say about the Sun-warm. It was really hot. Speaking of hot…so there I was, set on broil for 10-12 hours, when I came up with the idea to cover the life of Britney as a way to give that sweet homage to those pin-ups of yesterday. And yesterday, I mean Saturday. The mail really is slow to an APO address.

I’m out there cooking in my own juices, thinking that this will be a nice diversion from thinking about how I’m a homeless bum, with only five credit cards, a Power Mac G5 and a DSL connection. You tend to calm down when you get into your late 20s. Wait…no. Actually that’s when wild oats are sown. But even then, it couldn’t be that bad…

I just had no idea that it would come to this.

Apparently, Britney went and got herself annulled. What’s worse, is that the only way to get yourself annulled is to get married. I know, I asked a priest. Twice. An hour. Before they banned me from the hospital.

So that’s today’s Britney Spears story. I hope they ain’t none more any time soon. My heart can’t take it.

Friday Spoiler?

Spoiler Alert!
This is just to warn you. I will be giving out advanced notice of something that happens in a movie that you won’t know unless I tell you or you see the movie. I don’t want to ruin it for you.

If, of course, something was opening today. Which nothing is. Slow week, I guess.

So, here’s the spoiler:

Wait, no…there is no spoiler. Rats. Maybe next week.

Have a great weekend, everybody!