Archive for September, 2005

9 Things I Been Doin’ Lately

Published
by
John Stansbury
on September 29, 2005

9. Rearranging my shrine to Kathy Lee Gifford

8. Recoding plug-ins so that they will increase the functionality inside Texpattern’s edit window (but you knew that already)

7. Fending off SO many ladies…who want me…cause they really exist! They do! THEY DO!

sigh

6. Checking the old bank account…seeing if I have enough money to make it to the bank to get enough gas to get back home

5. Pining for the days when you could turn on TV and expect to be entertained…Dukes of Hazzard, where have you gone?

4. Pillaging. Nuff said.

3. Recoding those plug-ins again, since whatever I did before totally messed everything up. Sorry about that folks.

2. Pretty much nothing

1. Basking in the multi-media empire I have created, and charging my minions with the task of bringing me filthy lucre!!!! Right after I get this plug-in fixed….

Categorized:
9 Things and Personal

BREAKING NEWS!!!!1!!!!!!!LOL

Published
by
John Stansbury
on September 19, 2005

THIS JUST IN: I NOW HATE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE

SEE THE EVIL HERE:

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE IS NOW NO LONGER COOL

THE MONKEY *BOSS* DANCES

MY BELIEF THAT THERE IS GOOD IN WORLD, SHAKEN TO THE GROUND

OFFICE IS THE DEEEeeeEEEVIL

THE MIND BOGGLES HOW BILL GATES COULD RUIN "VOTE FOR PEDRO" SHIRTS FOR EVERYBODY

WHY, MICROSOFT, WHY?

30

Categorized:
Media

All about the O

Published
by
John Stansbury
on September 16, 2005

Commenting on this post took me on a trip down memory lane. And for once, it wasn’t about something illegal, immoral, or fattening.

Well, maybe immoral…

When I was coming back from the desert in 2003, one of the first things I saw when I got back was a commercial for that Overstock.com. And let me tell you, for a guy just remembering what women looked like, Good times, good times…

For 12 months, I was around females who wore clothes that made even the most shapely into this curve-less, body-armored blob. Even with the desert scale, it was tough to think of them as “ladies.” Tough, not impossible.

And the natives where even worse. Totally formless blobs, the men and women pretty much looked exactly the same. Then again, this isn’t Southern California we’re talking about here.

So, imagine my surprise when I got back to this country, that blue-jeans still looked like I remembered: tight, blue, and fun-to-look-at. There was a bunch of times that I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing, and I did the old “run into stuff while I should be paying attention to what I was doing.”

And my bus-driving job was doing so well. Stupid children in crosswalks. They should put up a sign or something.

Sowanways, I’m messerating with the interweb, and I spend some quality time with some of my closest friends in Iraq, Lisa Dergan and Catherine Bell. Those pictures on the wall were as close to a real woman as most of us got to see. And by real, I mean “not even within 1,000 miles of any of us.”

Now, imagine just how quickly I found out that I didn’t need a swimsuit model to go all gaga. All I needed was a well-placed pair of Rocky Mountains, and just let Mother Nature’s hard-coding visual stimulation take control.*

I really like jeans.

What I remember most about the commercial was that they didn’t really have a product, just the hope of a product. Yeah, I was all about the O, but that’s just because of the honey. I don’t like them, or eBay, or really any store online. I guess it’s cause there’s almost no chance of seeing some college girl working the counter.

Mmm…college girl…

Hey! A whole story, and not one “O-face” joke! Good job!

Oh, wait…

Related: When a boy tank and a girl tank love each other very much…

*For those of you who don’t know what Rocky Mountains are, they are the best thing that cowboys ever came up with. This is a crappy picture, but at least you get the idea. It’s like a thong with your butt painted blue. God bless them things.

Categorized:
Overthinking

Note to self (Safari)

Published
by
John Stansbury
on September 15, 2005

Safari will crash, guaranteed, if I write a story in there and don’t save it.

Stupid worthless piece of crap.

Worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless browser.

Worthless.

Categorized:
Overthinking

JARED Widget

Published
by
John Stansbury
on September 13, 2005

Somebody is going to burn for this one. That’s right, there’s now a JARED, Butcher of Songs, Widget.

Get it here.

Yeah, newbies and PC folks, don’t bother to worry about this. It’s just for us old Mac users.

My only complaint is that it only plays one at a time, and stops when you close the Widget window. Well, that’s just trifling. I’m just glad I have this piece of trash taking up valuable resources on my computer.

Awesome.

Categorized:
Free & Updated

Back then

Published
by
John Stansbury
on September 11, 2005

I wrote this in 2001:

The World Trade Centers were bombed along with the Pentagon. That was on the 11th of September. Today is the 17th, the first day I’ve been both not sick, not tired, and mostly lucid.

I still can’t come up with a better explanation.

Categorized:
News

Best haircut, ever

Published
by
John Stansbury
on September 6, 2005

I wrote this on October 13, 2004. I show it off to you, so you will know my great sorrow in that she left the hair-cutting place to work somewhere else. I am still trying to get through this:

Today I met a lady who cuts hair at the haircut place in the mall. And with my typical tradition, I forgot her name.

But I know she’s hot. And she’s got pants that have holes cut in them for her smock. It’s a haircutting smock.

And she’s blonde. And has perfect teeth. How I know this is she told me. I somehow got onto my braces, and she told me that she never had braces.

And she also told me she doesn’t get sick. I don’t believe that either.

She said that when she looked back at old pictures that she was in, she looked like a scared little girl. Now how come is it that I don’t believe that could happen.

Also, she likes the NASCAR. So she isn’t perfect. And she’s got really short attention span syndrome, or what I like to call, no taste, and she never sees any movies. Yet she can watch guys driving in a circle for hours.

There must be something Freudian in that.

It was the longest haircut of my life, taking an entire hour. And by the title and how I keep rambling on about it, I wasn’t upset it took so long. That’s a good haircut.

And it really is! I told her to keep the bangs long, and she did. It took her a while because the bangs are tough to blend with such a short side.

I think she either owns the shop or is one of the owners. I love the small businesses. I want a small businesses.

I gave her a $2 tip. I have no idea why.

Categorized:
Overthinking

Safari is pathetic

Published
by
John Stansbury
on September 1, 2005

just thought I’d throw that out there

horribly unreliable, and crashes about every 10 seconds….when you’ve written something you haven’t saved

Safari is the worst joke of a browser ever

when it’s reliably ranks up there with Internet Explorer, I think there’s a problem

I just cannot win

Never:
1. write anything longer than 30 words in Safari, it will crash
2. open more than 10 tabs, it will crash
3. hope to use that RSS search thing, it will crash

Categorized:
Overthinking